Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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