I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
