before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
