I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
