Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
