I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
