I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
