$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
