Do you still have your period?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
