laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You were trust falling into bushes
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
