i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize