PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
