i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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