Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We are all done wearing pants today
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
