I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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