She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
