It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
