so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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