Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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