He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My breasts were aching with rage.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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