remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He better not be in your backpack
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
