I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
