More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
