So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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