How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
