just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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