is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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