"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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