He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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