don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
