Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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