Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
