Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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