I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
