Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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