Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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