carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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