it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
