I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
