dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
