tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This is the high leading the old right now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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