So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
