Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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