I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
