I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dicks are not precious.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
