You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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