I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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