3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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