Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Damn victory sex feels great
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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