My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
