Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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