My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
