the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
