My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
