Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
