Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
