i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize