Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
