I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My hand turned me down
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
