need another drink. this is the easiest way
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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