Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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