Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
