When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
